Yes - I really did not know that I was going to have a baby! Listen to my daughter Ronah interview me about the morning she was born.
The tables are turned in this episode as my daughter Ronah, interviews me.
This is a story she knows all too well - she's grown up with it.
Listen as I share what happened on what should have been just an ordinary Tuesday morning in June 2001.
Ronah is studying Language and Linguistics at Aberdeen University, and when this episode premiers, she is halfway through her third year. You can follow what she gets up to on Instagram
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Stacey, The Modern Storyteller, is a storytelling expert and host of The Life Chapters Podcast and The P.S. Club Storytelling Membership.
Passionate that every life story deserves to be heard, she teaches female entrepreneurs in the first few years of business where to find their life stories and how to craft them powerfully, alongside practical and technical support.
Connect with Stacey:
Join The #YourStoryYourWay Facebook Group
Stacey (00:08):
Welcome to the Life Chapters podcast, real women, real stories. Hi, I'm Stacey and I am super passionate about showing everyday women like you, that they really do have a story to share. In my opinion, everyone deserves to be heard. And on this podcast, you will get to meet some pretty fabulous women who have amazing stories to tell. Some of the stories you hear might trigger you, but they're all spoken by the women who lived them. Some of them will make you smile. Some of them might make you cry.
Ronah (00:52):
Hi, I'm Ronah. And today I'm taking over the Life Chapters podcast and turning the tables on my mum and asking her the questions. So mum, did you really not know you were pregnant with me?
Stacey (01:05):
I really did not know. And I know that sounds really strange, but I was 23 years old. I was living a high life in London. I had a very good job. I had a fabulous flat in Docklands in London, and life was going really well. And no, I did not know that I was having a baby.
Ronah (01:28):
So tell me about the morning that I was born.
Stacey (01:31):
I had gone to work the day before feeling really rubbish. I thought I had a really bad cold, like the flu. And I went to work the day before, which was a Monday. Monday the 18th of June. And I had a rubbish shift, and my boss sent me home at lunchtime and said, "Just go home to your bed." And that's exactly what I did. I got home, I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep. I felt really, really terrible. I've always suffered from my back. And I thought, oh my goodness, I put my back out again because my back and my hips and my legs were killing me. But I couldn't sleep. So on Tuesday morning, I got up about, oh, it would've been about six o'clock. I got out of bed and I was like a bear with a sore head wandering around the flat we lived in and I just did not get comfortable.
And my partner at the time said to me, "Oh, you don't look so good. Maybe you should phone the NHS 24 number." So I phoned NHS 24, and I explained the symptoms and the pain I was feeling to the young lad at the end of the phone. And he laughed at me and he said, "Oh, you're in labour." And I cut him off very sharply and said, "You are talking nonsense. I am not in labour." And he's like, "Oh, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Well, if you are passing a kidney stone, it's kind of like the same pain." So I was like, "Okay, that's a good solution. I'm passing a kidney stone." And he said that it's quite dangerous because if that stone gets caught in one of the tubes, it can rupture and it can be quite dangerous. So he said, "You need to get yourself to the hospital pretty quickly." My partner didn't drive. I wasn't in any fit state to drive. So he sent us an ambulance.
Ronah (03:29):
But did you actually think you were passing a kidney stone?
Stacey (03:32):
I didn't know what to think, because I was in so much pain. This ambulance arrived at the house, and the ambulance driver and his partner came through the door of the house, took one look at me and said, "Oh, love, where are your notes?" And I still did not have a clue what he was talking about, but I can look back today and go, he knew I was pregnant. He knew I was in labour, because he asked for my hospital notes. But to me, I was totally oblivious. So we got in the ambulance and the ambulance driver and his partner were talking about, oh, well, we can't go to Guy's and St Thomas' because there are roadworks, we won't make it there in time. And I was thinking in time for what? It was that thing that I really didn't know what was going on. I was 24 years old, and I didn't have a clue.
Ronah (04:25):
So what happened once you got to the hospital?
Stacey (04:27):
We parked outside the hospital, and the ambulance driver walked me towards the front door of the hospital, the accident and the emergency entrance. And as I walked through the doors, I thought I had wet myself, because suddenly there was this big flood of water, and I was mortified. I was in so much pain, but I was absolutely embarrassed right through to the end of my fingers because I'd wet myself in public. But I didn't know at that point, that was my waters breaking. And a young doctor came towards me, and he took one look at me and he instantly knew what was happening.
And they got me into a room, and they got me on a bed, and they attached me to different monitors. And there were all these people around, but nobody was actually talking to me. They were talking to each other, they were discussing things, but they weren't telling me what was going on. And about 20 minutes later, I was in a lift going up to the maternity floor of the hospital. I didn't know it was the maternity hall, the floor of the hospital, but I do now. And we were put into a room, and again, there were people at my arms putting drips in my arms, putting a cannular in my wrist. There were three or four other nurses in the room, and they were all talking about, oh, we need to move quickly, and we don't have much time.
And then suddenly there was this midwife who stood at the end of the bed in my eye line. And she looked at me and she just said, "You have to push this baby out now." And I was like, "Oh my goodness." Oh, and then it dawned on me that, oh my goodness, I actually have to push this baby out. And the words registered, I knew what she was saying to me, but I still didn't actually believe it, that I was having a baby.
Ronah (06:22):
So it was very clear to all the doctors and everyone working that you were pregnant, but like backtracking a little bit. Why did you not think you were pregnant? Because surely anyone who's pregnant, it's quite obvious.
Stacey (06:36):
You would think so. But I had periods all the way through my pregnancy. My periods didn't stop. I didn't have any of the outward symptoms of being pregnant. I didn't have tender boobs. I didn't grow a tummy. If anything, I'd lost a little bit of weight. My birthday's in May. You were born in June. But in May, my mum, your nanny, had taken me shopping for new clothes, and I'd bought a dress size down. So, I genuinely didn't know that I was pregnant, and I had had normal regular periods for the whole time. So it never, ever crossed my mind that I was having a baby. So yeah, they might have all been able to tell medically, this is what was happening to me, but I did not know. And many people have asked me over the years. No, no, no, come on, come on. You are kidding. You must have known. And I can hand on heart genuinely say I did not have a clue that I was about to have a baby.
Ronah (07:42):
But looking back on it now, can you remember things or recognize things, where now you can look back on it and think, oh yeah, that must have been because I was pregnant.
Stacey (07:54):
There's only one thing that really sticks in my mind. Right up until that time, I was never a big egg eater, fried egg, boiled egg, anything like that, not interested. And I remember going to a gastropub, maybe three or four weeks before you were born, and ordering the omelette off the menu. And my partner said to me, "Pardon? You don't eat eggs. Why?" "No, I really just fancy an omelette." Now, was that a pregnancy craving? If I look back now I can go, yeah probably it was. But at the time, I just fancied an omelette and I ate the omelette. Everybody else thought it was a bit strange, but there was genuinely no other signs that you were on your way into this world.
Ronah (08:44):
Crazy. So obviously it all went really fast. And did you really have time to process what was going on, or was it just such a big rush?
Stacey (08:54):
Everything happened in a big rush, and you were born, and you were whisked off and checked. And then you were given back to me, wrapped in a hospital blanket, you were given back to me. Very quickly, probably within about 10 or 15 minutes. And I looked down at this bundle in my arms and thought, oh, okay, you are mine. This is real. And one of the midwives came through and asked for my hospital bag. Where's the baby's things? Have you got some nappies and a baby grow? And my partner and I looked at each other and shook our heads and said to the midwife, "Well, no, we don't have anything. We were not prepared for this at all." And she took that to mean, oh, we'd left everything at home.
So she was shewing my partner out the room. "Well, why don't you go back and get everything and come back and see mom and baby later." And we had to say to the midwife, "Well, no, no, no, we really don't have anything." And at which point she was very puzzled. But then she went on a mission to try and find some hospital gifted items. And she came back with a couple of lemon and grey baby grows. And she came back with this little pink Teddy bear. And she came back with a blanket, and she thrust it all upon us, and then left us to it, in this little room. And I was, at that stage, it had all sunk in because you were in my arms. I didn't really, there was no giving you back.
I couldn't say to the midwife, "Sorry, this is a mistake." And I really just had to get on with it. I just had to fall in love with you, because I had no choice. And I never really, I didn't think anything beyond what was happening at the moment, because you were here, you were crying and you were hungry. So, it was a case of, okay, I need to feed this baby. So, and that's what happened, and that's what we did. And that first, you were born at lunchtime, well, you were born at 11:52. And I remember it because I remember looking at the clock. And that afternoon, it was just a case of the reality had to sink in pretty quickly, because you needed to be fed. You had to be looked after. And at that time, in 2001 in London, there wasn't anybody else doing it for me. I was left on my own in a room with you in a little crib next to me. So there was no choice.
Ronah (11:31):
So how did you tell your parents that they had become grandparents?
Stacey (11:38):
Well, that was very odd. My parents, this was in London. You were born in London, you were born in Lewisham, and my parents lived in Bournemouth on the south coast. So, usually, it would've taken them about three hours to drive from their house to our house. And I kept saying to my partner, "You must go and phone my mum. Phone my mum. Phone my mum." And he did. And he woke her up. She worked nights at the time. And very unsubtly told her that Stacey's in hospital. You have to come quick. Didn't actually tell her that I'd had a baby, just I was in the hospital, in his panic as well. And from what they have told me, my mum and my brother literally dropped everything and jumped in a car and drove from Bournemouth to London, because two hours later she was standing in front of me with this shocked look on her face, but she was head over heels in love.
It was as if somebody had just handed her, her life mission on a platter because she'd suddenly been gifted this grandchild that she never really thought she was going to get because I was a career girl at heart. And I had said to my parents, "Oh, I'm not interested. I don't want kids." And it was never ever on my to-do list. I wasn't maternal in any way shape or form. So when she walked in and she saw you, and she saw me, I could see in my mom's eyes, her life had changed in an instant, but changed so much for the better in her eyes. And that look of love, I don't think I'll ever forget that, because she just looked at me in a completely different way. It was as if our relationship changed, which it did from that moment on. But I had given her a huge gift, and that just felt really special.
Ronah (13:31):
So then what about your dad? How did he find out?
Stacey (13:34):
My dad was doing some work in London, in South London. So my mom had obviously phoned him, and he arrived at the end of his working day around about half-past five, six o'clock, if I remember rightly. And he kind of walked in with this really cross and angry look on his face, and he said to me, "You told me I was not having children." And then he softened, and he's like, "But I'm really glad you changed your mind." And you know you have your granddad wrapped around your little finger, even now as a 20-year-old. But from that moment on, again, he had this light in his eyes, a little spark in his eyes.
And he was over the moon that he had a granddaughter, of all things, a granddaughter, something that he could proudly show off. And they did, as my parents and your grandparents for the first few years of your life, they carried pictures of you around with them everywhere. And they showed you off to everybody who wanted to see you. They would pull out pictures, and oh look, this is what she's up to now, and this is what she looks like now. So they were super proud grandparents. And you know that now because they see you regularly now. They come and take you for lunch and all sorts now.
Ronah (14:57):
So since this is such a sudden thing, usually parents or parents to be, they've got the whole nine months of the pregnancy to come to terms and prepare themselves. But obviously, you didn't have any of that. So, how did your life change after I was born?
Stacey (15:12):
You were a shock. There's no getting away from that. And we were chucked out of the hospital the very next morning, and we had nothing. If I remember rightly, my mum went to Mothercare, which was still a thing at that point in time. And she essentially walked around the shop and bought one of everything, and brought it home to our high-end Docklands apartment, suddenly became a baby shop, because it had one of everything in it. So, I'm very thankful to my mum for doing that, because we had nothing. I remember trying to then phone my boss and telling him what had happened. And he didn't believe me, because the following day he was on my doorstep to see for himself, because he thought, no, no, no, this woman is trying to get off work, or trying to skive away from work.
So he came to visit to see for himself because it was such a shock. I remember my best friend, your auntie Jaime, turning up one night and going, shaking her head with a glass of wine in her hand going, "Okay. I don't actually quite believe this has happened." And yet, it was that you were thrust into it. Well, I was thrust into this life as a mum, but I was also, I was torn between. Okay. Yeah, I want to be a mum, but I've got a career. I've got this great job. I've got this amazing group of people that I work with, and I want that back as well. So very quickly I went back to work. You were three months old, and I went back to work. And you went to a childminder and yeah, life essentially carried on. And the biggest learning for me was realizing that I actually had somebody else to look after now.
I didn't just have to look after myself. I had this little tiny baby little girl, and as you've grown up toddler, seven-year-old, 10-year-old teenager. Somebody else who deserves, needs, wants my love and attention. So that selfishness you have when you're a single adult, even in a partnership or a married couple or whatever, you've then got somebody else to worry about. And that's a big responsibility on your shoulders. So yeah, it was a great thing to happen. Certainly made my life, because, without you, I don't know. Well, I can honestly say you are the best thing that ever happened to me because it opened so many more doors. It changed the whole path of my life. It changed everything. So yeah, I'm very thankful. I wish I had the nine months to prepare. I've often said, "What would I have done if I had known? Would I have been organized? Would I have picked some colours?"
Ronah (17:59):
No.
Stacey (17:59):
Would I have chosen your name?
Ronah (18:02):
You would not be organised, mum. You would not be organised at all.
Stacey (18:05):
Okay. You know me very well. I probably would not have been organised.
Ronah (18:09):
So why did you decide to name me Ronah?
Stacey (18:12):
The midwife asked us after you were born if we had a name for the baby. And I had said, "No, you were a surprise. We don't know." And she'd said, "Oh, don't worry about it. There's plenty of time to decide." But I kind of knew that I really had to have a name in my head before my mum arrived, because I didn't really want my mum to take over. And if my mum's listening to this, I know she will be, she'll be nodding along, because yes, she probably would've had a strong opinion. But actually, I wanted a name that was a little bit unusual. And I came up with the name Iona. I liked the name Iona.
And my partner said, "Well, no, that's the name of an island. We can't call our little girl an island." So we came up with Ronah, and you will have been forever cursing me from the day you were young enough because we spelt it slightly differently. So, we didn't go for the traditional R-H-O-N-A. We went for R-O-N-A-H. So I do apologise, you'll forever have to spell your name to everybody and anybody you meet.
Ronah (19:15):
I've heard this story so many times, and each time it always makes me smile because it is such a touching story. I hope that everyone who is listening finds it very heartwarming, if a little bit shocking.
Stacey (19:30):
Thanks for listening to a little snippet of my story today. If you'd like to know more, head over to Instagram, @lifechapterspod, and tell me your thoughts. Do you have a story to share? Are you brave enough to come here and share with the world what's on your heart? I would love to give you this platform from which to share your life story. Your life chapters are really important, and every single one of you deserves to be heard.