Thursday 19th December 2013. It should have been a normal morning just before Christmas. Listen as I share what actually happened that day...
I have never been silent when it comes to telling the world the story of Chris' death.
BUT now I share the actual events of that morning in detail.
Christmas was less than a week away and our family was excited! Planning a fun-packed festive season and a big party to celebrate. One more day of school and the last day of work before the holidays could begin.
Nothing could go wrong...
Listen as I walk you through the early hours of that morning and how the life-changing events unfolded.
This is a small part of the story and I will share more of that day in future episodes.
I'm passionate about sharing the story - the full unedited story - because sometimes it's in the details that the healing needs to happen.
By sharing so openly and honestly, I want you to know that it is OK to talk about what has happened to you in your life. It is OK to remember and share. It is OK to feel the pain and learn the lessons. It is OK to cry and to smile.
The Life Chapters podcast is a safe place to share the story that you hold deep inside.
In this episode, I talk about a bible verse that is special to me:
Jeremiah Ch 29 v 11: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I also talk about a song that was difficult to sing:
It is Well With My Soul - Hillsong Chapel - listen here
[A full transcript of this episode is available here]
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Stacey, The Modern Storyteller, is a storytelling expert and host of The Life Chapters Podcast and The P.S. Club Storytelling Membership.
Passionate that every life story deserves to be heard, she teaches female entrepreneurs in the first few years of business where to find their life stories and how to craft them powerfully, alongside practical and technical support.
Connect with Stacey:
Join The #YourStoryYourWay Facebook Group
Welcome to the Life Chapters Podcast, real women, real stories. Hi, I'm Stacey, and I am super passionate about showing everyday women like you, that they really do have a story to share. In my opinion, everyone deserves to be heard, and on this podcast, you will get to meet some pretty fabulous women who have amazing stories to tell. Some of the stories you hear might trigger you, but they're all spoken by the women who live them. Some of them will make you smile. Some of them might make you cry.
Hello, and welcome to this very first episode of Life Chapters. Now, I can talk forever. I've always been a talker. I remember being told at school that, Stacey, you just need to listen more and stop talking. But you know what? It's held me in good stead throughout the years. And I want to start this podcast by giving you a little bit of my story. So I have a couple of dates that really stick in my mind, and those of you that maybe have followed me on social media will already know what I'm going to say. Well, you're going to know some of it because this is my opportunity to tell you the real story, to tell you the actual happenings in my life.
So two dates that stick in my mind, Saturday, the 18th of October 2013, and Friday, the 19th of December 2013. Two dates. They are 63 days apart. Those 63 days were amazingly awesome, brilliant, joyous days. On the 18th of October, I got married. And then on the 19th of December, Chris died. We had been together a long time. We were a family. Chris was Ronah's dad. All things but biology, Chris was Ronah's dad. And we were a little family unit. He was the life and soul of every party. He was the joker in the pack. He was on a mission to make people smile. That was what he lived for. And he did it day in, day out.
I have so many memories of the silly, stupid idiotic things that he did. And when I think about them now, they always make me smile. They always transport me to the place where I am probably watching and shaking my head and going, oh my goodness, not again. He was a genuinely, genuinely happy and joyous person. And when he came into our life, mine and Rona's life, his life was made complete, because all he ever wanted was a family. And he was fortunate enough to find a family and to help build a family. And he was in his element.
So we got married on the 18th of October. Now, I was probably the least enthusiastic about the wedding. I was very much a case of it's a bit of paper. What do we need a bit of paper for? But he insisted. And he was the driving force. And we had a brilliant day. Friends, family, people that loved us joined together, and we celebrated getting married. We got married in church. That was really important to both of us. And we had Jeremiah 29 verse 11 read at our wedding. And that was really important for us because it's all about hope for the future. We celebrated. We didn't have a honeymoon. We had a night in a hotel, and we got back to real life because we were a family, and we continued our family life.
And it was autumn, wintertime, and we were getting prepared for Christmas. And all the way through December, Chris was saying to me, we are going to have a big housewarming party in December. We'd moved house in July, so why he wanted a big housewarming party in December, I'm not quite sure. But he wanted all his friends and family around him, and he wanted to sort of show off the married man that he had become. So we wrote our Christmas cards with an invitation to our friends and family to join us on the 28th of December for a knees-up. And that's what we had planned.
So I'm going to fast forward you to the morning of the 19th of December. Now I'm not a very good sleeper. I never have been. So when I was restless at night, Chris would always get up, and he would go and watch a bit of late-night sport. He would potter around, he would read a book, or he would just go and sleep on the couch. So when my alarm went off at half-past five that morning, it wasn't unusual for me to turn over and have an empty bed. I got up. Having a serious spinal condition, the first thing I always do in the morning is take meds. So I leaned over, took my meds, went to the bathroom, and then went downstairs.
Coffee. That was what was on my list of to-dos. I needed a mug of coffee. As I walked through the living room into the kitchen, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Chris asleep on the sofa. As I say, nothing unusual about that. I made coffee. I am not the quietest person in the mornings, so I was clattering cupboards and bashing mugs, putting the kettle on and making coffee. And as I came back through to the living room, there was just something. And even when I think about it now, I can't quite put my finger on it, but there was just this knowing sense, something wasn't right. There was something wrong. And as I looked over at Chris, I could see that there was bruising or what I thought was bruising on his chest and his arm. He was in a pair of pyjama bottoms, but bare-chested. And as I stepped closer, I could see that that bruising, that bluey tinge continued up to his neck to his lips.
I'm first aid trained. I have been a first aider since I was 16. All my jobs I've been the one to stick my hand up and say, oh, I'll do the first aid course. I'm quite calm. I'm quite organized. Those types of scenarios never bother me. So on this morning, there was this big conflict in my head. Part of me already knew that he was dead. But the bigger part of me went into autopilot, and I knew I had to give him CPR. Chris was 16 stone, so I knew that there was no way you could give CPR on a soft squishy sofa. So I had to pull my husband, who potentially at this point was just unconscious, I had to pull him onto the floor. So I did that. I grabbed the home phone and I dialled 9-9-9. It was autopilot movements. And when I think back now, I don't actually remember the exact order of, did I pick the phone up first and dial 9-9-9? Or did I pull Chris off the sofa? I don't know is the honest truth.
The 9-9-9 operator was a wonderful lady, and she listened to me very quickly. And she said to me, do I want to do CPR, and she would talk me through it? And I remember cutting her off and saying, I know what to do. There was that sure confidence that I knew how to give CPR. Unfortunately, I've had to give it before in my life, but this was totally different. This was a scenario that I had never, ever envisaged. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be giving Chris CPR. So I started CPR, pushing on his chest and blowing into his mouth. You don't think twice in these situations. You genuinely don't. It's as if... It's really hard to describe because not very many people have been there, and as I say, I don't wholly remember the exact details. But it was if I was watching what was going on from a CCTV camera in the corner of the room, and I was watching what I was doing.
So it was maybe only two or three minutes before there was a very brisk knock at the door and the door opened and the paramedic was there. I can only be very, very thankful for the 9-9-9 operator who knew pretty instantly that this was a top-notch priority. So the first responder was there within minutes. We lived in Motherwell, just outside Glasgow. So pretty big infrastructure, we weren't that far from the ambulance station, and we weren't that far from the big hospital in Wishaw. So within three... two, three minutes, and again, I can't tell you exactly how long, but within two or three minutes, there was a paramedic walking through my door.
Now, I know that these people are highly skilled and they have been trained for all sorts of scenarios, but this gentleman walked in, he assessed the scene in front of him, and he came over to me, kneeling on the floor, giving Chris CPR, and he simply put his hand on my shoulder and told me to stop. He told me to stop giving Chris CPR. I did. When you are told by somebody in that situation, you follow those instructions. He moved me to a chair. He sat me down. He did what he needed to do with Chris. And within that maybe five minutes of him being in the house, there was a second ambulance. I think he was an ambulance man who was just in a car, one of the fast-response ambulances. And within a couple of minutes, there was a couple of his colleagues who were in a normal ambulance had arrived as well.
At that moment, I was very much in this space of sort of not quite believing what had just happened. This was just at 6:00 in the morning, and it was pitch black outside. There was... It was December. It was the Friday before Christmas. It was December. There was no... It's a very strange place to sort of look back on, and I talk very honestly today with perhaps a detachment. Perhaps you would be expecting there to be emotion in my voice and there isn't. And there's a very good reason for that.
I have talked about this day, I have told very many people about this day, and I will continue to talk about this day all the days of my life. This story is 100% true, and it actually happened. But the emotions... The emotions didn't come on that day just as they don't come now. The emotions came later. The emotions, oh my goodness, they hit me like a ton of bricks, but they came later. And now when I tell you about this story, I can tell you it from a place of healing. I am not still feeling the pain of that morning. Yes, it's a painful morning, but I don't relive it. It's not as if somebody has ripped the scab off that wound and I'm bleeding again. I can talk to you about that day from a place of pure and honest healing. My soul is calm.
There is a hymn that says it is well with my soul. And for the two years, after Chris died, I could not hear that hymn, I could not sing those words, and I wanted to run a mile because it was not well with my soul. But today, when I talk to you, and I'm recording this in November 2021, I can say hand on my heart, it is well with my soul. It's taken nearly eight years to be able to say those words, but I can honestly say that. And this is why I have such a passion for telling stories, my own story. And what I've shared with you is a tiny snippet of that day. There is so much more to say. But my own story has taught me that by sharing it, by talking about it, by remembering it, I have an opportunity to heal the wounds inside of me, and I have an opportunity to maybe offer you the same chance.
You possibly have lost somebody. You possibly have been bereaved... You... Whether it's a person really close to you, whether it's an animal, a pet, whether it's somebody that you knew, maybe a colleague, maybe an acquaintance... Perhaps it's a relationship that's ended, and you are grieving for that. Perhaps it's the person you once were, and you are grieving for them. When I share my story and I'm honest, I'm blunt, I don't leave out the gory details, when I share that, I know that each time I share it, it's like a balm that comes over my soul. And I know that by me sharing, I offer you the opportunity to feel the same. I know that when I share my story, I give you the opportunity to heal.
That's the power of telling stories, and this is the platform that I am creating with this Life Chapters Podcast. I want to tell you some of the chapters of my life, and I am offering some amazing women the platform to tell the chapters in their life. Why? Because when you share those stories, they are incredibly healing. They're healing for you, and they're healing for other people. I always say that I will continue to share the story of Chris's death, the days that led on from that, because if one person listening today takes a glimmer of hope, if one person today thinks, you know what, I can move forward with a tiny baby step today because Stacey has shown me the way, then that is the reason why I share my story.
And I'm going to wrap it up here because I know that sometimes hearing these things can be triggering, they can be hard for you. But I want to say to you that when you share your story, you can say to yourself, it is well with my soul. You get an opportunity to work that out in your own head, in your own heart, in your own mind, in your own body. So today, I want you to think about that person that you've maybe lost, that thing you are grieving for, and can you say it is well with my soul? And if you can't then reach out. Reach out to me because I will listen. If you can't, reach out to somebody who will listen. If you want help and guidance, then there are so many resources available to you. But I trust that you will come back here and listen to more of my story. You will come back and listen to some of the amazing women that I have lined up for you. I'm giving them a platform to share their story so that they too can say it is well with my soul.
I hope you'll join me for the next episodes as we go through and I introduce you to some amazing women and I will be telling you more about my story. If you've enjoyed this today, please hit this subscribe button so you can come back and hear more. I would love to hear from you. I would love to connect with you. You can find me over on Instagram. My Instagram for this account is the Life Chapters Podcast, but you'll also find me as The Modern Storyteller. So that's where I hang out most of the time, and I would love to connect with you. Tell me what you think of the episodes. Tell me what you think of the amazing women that are coming up. And I really look forward to connecting with you and telling more Life Chapter stories.
Thanks for listening to a little snippet of my story today. If you'd like to know more, head over to Instagram, @lifechapterspod, and tell me your thoughts. Do you have a story to share? Are you brave enough to come here and share with the world what's on your heart? I would love to give you this platform from which to share your life story. Your life chapters are really important, and every single one of you deserves to be heard.